Not That Old

This is from an e-mail that was sent by a friend (I think). I'm nothing like the guy in the story. I don't go to Taco Bell. I don't own a truck. And I will take any kind of discount that's offered. That said, enjoy the story--maybe you know somebody that can relate to it:

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.

He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!

What am I now?

A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys.

I began to rationalize in my mind.

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!

It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck.

I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.

What now?

I checked my keys and tried another.

Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.

There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

*************

The larger print is for you old guys!

John <><

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Notes from Dad

Maybe it was the monthly meeting of the Ozarks Chapter of the American Christian Writers. Maybe it is that I'm bored and don't have anything else that I feel like doing right now. Maybe it's that there are a bunch of thoughts floating around in my head and the only way to make them go away is to finally write them down. Whatever the case, here I am finally blogging after almost two weeks of ... nothing.

So that this doesn't come out as a completely random ramble, I'll post a couple of related stories and how they have come together in own little mind.

I'll start with a conversation that I had with a friend about his young son that had "a melt-down" when at a sports practice. My friend didn't have much luck in getting the boy to open up about what was going on or what cause the unacceptable behavior, and the normal taking away of privileges wasn't working. I shared one of the things that I remember from my own experience as a father of a young boy.

I don't remember the events that brought about the conversation (or lack of conversation) between me and Aaron or just how old he was at the time. What I do remember is that he told me that I was hard to talk to because sometimes I'm so fixed on what I want to say that I don't listen to him and that I just get mad when he wants to talk. Wow! My son was afraid to talk to me because I wouldn't hear what he had to say and I would just get mad. I still think of that from time to time and it has made me slow down when listening to others. I think that I've become a better listener over the years but I still struggle with it--after all, I still have a teen-aged daughter at home.

Right after that, I had a conversation with another dad. He is recently divorced and has a much younger son that occasionally wants to talk about things that my friend still finds painful to talk about. The little guy doesn't really understand why his dad doesn't want to talk about these things but knows that it upsets his dad and he doesn't want to do that. I suggested that it might be a good time to let his son know that from now on, no subject would be off limits. That, no matter what, he could always talk to his dad about anything that he wanted to talk about. The time will come when dad is going to wish that his son will want to talk about some things that may be upsetting.

I didn't want either one of my friends to fall into that same situation of having sons that are afraid to talk to their dads.

All of this has spilled over into my relationship with God. I'm starting to think that referring to God as "our Father" may not be a good thing--at least, not for me. The problem comes when we start to confine God to the image of a father. Too often, we see God as a parent that will get mad. Too often, we think that we can avoid talking to God about things because He won't understand, He won't really listen and He'll just get mad.

I know that Jesus called him Father, but Jesus had a good reason. I know that the God that I believe in is a Being that desires to have a personal relationship with us. A father/child relationship works--for the most part. Where it fails to work for me is that I forget that God isn't my dad. He is my GOD. I am realizing that I've managed to shrink my God to a size small enough to fit into the imaginations of my small, finite mind. And He is so much more than that!

Although we may want to avoid a confrontation with this all-knowing God, it's not like He doesn't already know about that thing that's causing us to avoid Him. Although we may have to suffer the consequences of our disobedience, His mercy and grace is still there for us. Although we may think that we are a huge disappointment to Him, we are His handiwork; created for a purpose.

I don't want any of you to get the idea that I have a poor relationship with my dad. That's not true. But even the very best dad is a poor comparison to God. While referring to God as Father may bring us into a close relationship with Him, it also has a way of diminishing His Greatness and Glory. It is that Great God that I am desiring to know. It is that Great God that mankind should come before with fear and trembling. It is that Great God that I want ... to love, and to be loved by. I want to demonstrate my love for Him by following the teaching of His Son. I want to be obedient. I want to honor His greatness by fulfilling His plan and purpose in creating me.

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

Psalm 8:3-4

John <><

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Encouraged by Family and Friends

So I haven't written much lately and the last couple of posts have been kind of downers. So I wanted to write something that is more uplifting and encouraging today. Let's begin with last weekend:

Last Friday and Saturday was spent in the northern part of Missouri, just south of St. Joseph. I was at a place called God's Mountain Camp with about 50 college students and their BSU (Baptist Student Union) leaders. It was a real honor to be asked to speak to this group of young men and women. I'm interested in getting feedback from the leaders on just how the weekend met with their expectations. I had a good time...I hope that they did, too. As a bonus, there was no snow in the north and Ozark was pretty much covered up. While Chris was shoveling the 9 inches of snow from the driveway, I was relaxing and enjoying the snowless view from camp.

Sunday morning I was at Edinburg Baptist Church and Sunday evening at First Baptist Gallatin. I had a really great time at both places. Edinburg is a country church and the pastor speaks very proudly about his people and the work that is happening through the little country church. I could tell that Pastor Stan really loves what he does and where he does it. They blessed me with their hospitality and warmth.

The folks at FBC Gallatin turned out in great numbers for a Sunday night. After the evening program they had a soup and sandwich fellowship. I managed to avoid the desserts with the exception of one small chocolate covered rice krispy treat and really enjoyed just talking with Pastor Marty and the people of the church.

In between the two Sunday events, I had some free time to catch up on a little reading and to make a couple of phone calls. I owed a couple of apologies and have been trying to get squared away with some of the things I've failed at in the recent past. All-in-all, I had a pretty good weekend and was ready for the four and half hour drive that would put me home at about 1 o'clock Monday morning. But then came the Sunday night bonus...

I always enjoy an unexpected phone call from one of my siblings. Turns out that my older sister had been catching up on her internet reading and read my two previous posts. She determined that I could use a little pep talk from Big Sis and called for that purpose--pretty cool, I'd say. So we talked and it helped to pass the time. We lost connection a couple of times in the spotty coverage of AT&T in rural Missouri and I felt pretty good about having a sister that would call because she felt like I needed an encouraging word.

I also received an encouraging e-mail from one of my reader/friends/fellow minister after she read the previous downer posts. (Thanks, Claudia) Then I heard some good words from a friend about how a mutual friend perceives me (very positive) and received a message on Facebook from a fellow blogger/FB friend with some questions about the Bible, Jesus, good, evil, etc.

All of these things have lifted my spirit and are bringing me back to the easy going lovable guy that you all know and love...okay, maybe that's going a little too far but you get the idea. I don't want to completely leave the thoughts of those previous posts behind me; I want to remember them and grow through them. I do want to be more purposeful and more perceptive. I want to see with the compassion of Jesus and act accordingly. I want to love with the love of a God that can love the unlovable human, John. I want to be a person that others feel that they can turn to in crisis rather than hide from. I want to be a little bit more like Jesus today than I was yesterday. And I want to be an encourager...like those that have encouraged me.

Thanks,
John

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Totally Oblivious

In today's Bible reading (Saturday) Jesus saw the crowds and had compassion on them. (Matt. 14:4)

I wonder why it is that I look and I miss the hurt that people have. How is it that I can see people on a regular basis and do nothing more than have meaningless conversations and move on wrapped up in my own little world and my own little life?

How is it that people that I know and love can have their world crashing down around them and I am totally oblivious? The issues can be anything...financial, health, marriage, jobs, addictions, school, etc. The point is I don't know that they are in crisis.

I know--maybe it's that they don't want anybody to know. Or maybe they don't want me to know. Or maybe they don't want to be the one to bring it up. It's easy to say that it's not my fault that I'm not there for them. Easy to say...but not the truth. I am supposed to be a minister of the Gospel. I am supposed to look at people with the eyes and compassion of Jesus. Do you think that Jesus would walk into our church and not see the people that are hurting? Have my conversations become so trite that they are just casual greetings and polite how-do-you-do's? Do people get the idea that I really don't care how they are doing? DO I REALLY CARE HOW THEY ARE DOING?

This coming week is the Missouri Baptist's Annual Evangelism Conference. It's an event that I usually look forward to. This year, I'm not feeling like much of an Evangelist. I'm not even feeling like much of a follower of Jesus. I'm sensing this weird kind of irony in my life. As I have made more of an effort to draw closer to God, I'm finding myself much further away from Him than I've ever been. It's kind of scary. What if I'm finding myself right where I've always been? What if I've just been fooling myself?

I'm finding that I've been playing church, playing preacher, playing Christianity--but not really following Jesus.

I wonder if any of you have ever found yourselves in the same predicament. Have you ever thought that you were really following God's will only to find that you were pretty much doing what you wanted and figuring that God was okay with that? Ever throw out the fleece and and tell God-- "I'm going to do this thing and if it's not your will then I expect you to stop me."

That's not exactly where I am, but I don't really know how to put it into words. What I do know is that I am nothing like Jesus--and I am supposed to be. I know that I am not going to be exactly like Jesus, but aren't we supposed to be a little bit like Him? Aren't we supposed to be becoming more like Him? ...everyday?

It's almost midnight in the Midwest. Tomorrow morning I want to wake up with eyes that are more like the eyes of Jesus. I want to see people the way that He sees them. I want have compassion on them. I may not be able to heal all of their hurts or cure their illnesses, but I can reassure them that Jesus can. I can remind them that God loves them and that Jesus died for them. It's great news--for all of us.

John

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Missing the Mark

The Apostle Paul writes that "...all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

I've been feeling that lately--the falling short of God's glory has been bothering me. I've been sensing (once again) that I do very little that impacts the Kingdom of God and that I rely on myself way too much and trust God way too little.

I have this secure little life and I live it every day, putting nothing out there for God. I have a modest house, a freezer full of beef, cupboards with food, four cars in the driveway (3 of them are older and paid for), cable internet, this shnazzy little HP Mini netbook and so much more. I have a job that provides a good income, access to good health care and insurance that covers most of it, live in the Midwest in a safe little community and have a great family that is living this safe, secure life with me. My job has a decent retirement plan (that I'm eligible for in 1 yr, 11 mos, 17 days) that, although would be a cut from my working wage, will give me an income that is more than the average household in the area. I have enough leisure time to write meaningless drivel and post it on a free blogsite for all of the world (that has access to a computer and the internet) to see.

I only say all of this to say that all of this makes it easy to say that I don't really need God.

Of course, I would never say that. But the truth is that I often live like that.

Oh, I'm usually religious enough to feel good about myself. I can go to church every week (2-3 times most weeks) and that makes me feel better than most of the rest of the world. I can even judge myself against the people that are in church and feel that my faults (sins) are not nearly as bad as their sins. This, of course, give me a feeling that God would love me more than them because I'm not as bad as they are. If I point this out to others (highlighting somebody else's sin) it directs their focus away from my own sin and shortcomings. This puts me in the role of a gossip and God in the role of a being whose favor needs to be earned and whose anger needs to be avoided. That makes God out to be nothing more than a celestial bully--and I don't think that God wants that image.

Jesus teaches that if we love him, we'll obey him.

What does that mean if we are constantly being disobedient?

Jesus says that the greatest commandment is to love God with everything we have--heart, soul, mind, strength. And yet we do what we want to do and (as Christians) think that God will just forgive us and all will be well. We sound like spoiled brats with a rich daddy that will bail us out of any trouble that our reckless, rebellious living gets us into. Be honest--you hate those kinds of people. Spiritually, we are those kinds of people.

When I look at myself and do a quick inventory of how my relationship with God manifests itself to others...well, frankly I'm ashamed.

In the eighth verse of the first chapter in the Book of Job, the Bible says, Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." For some reason, I can't imagine that God would ever say that about His servant John. If He did, Satan would just laugh, "Your servant? When has John ever served you? Let me show you how your servant shuns evil. Ha!"

I guess I'm looking at myself and looking at the church in general and seeing pretty much the same thing that I see when I look around at the non-church/non-believing world. It makes me sad. I think that it makes God sad, too.

Sorry for the bummer post today. It's just where I've been recently.

John <><

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Reflections on the Week/Haiti

Last Friday (Jan. 8), I attended the funeral of a friend that has spent most of his life in the mission fields around the world. Most recently, he and his wife have been Port Au Prince, Haiti. They were home on a a visit and making plans to return when my friend had a stroke and died.

I mention this to say that there are many missionaries that are in Haiti. Our church has sponsored a work in Jeremy. My brother-in-law's niece has been there in the past and is already back in Haiti after the earthquake last Tuesday. Many of God's faithful have been there, are there now and are making plans to go to give aid and comfort to the people of Haiti. Christian organizations and non-Christian charitable organizations are making their way to Haiti or sending supplies.

Controversy that is a result of comments that have been made by a couple of television and radio personalities have been given way too much attention. Whether the comments were said maliciously (Rush) or without thought to the insensitivity and negative impact (Robertson) they should be dismissed as being made by a small and sad minority in America. I doubt that are very many hard-core conservatives that would agree with Limbaugh that our President is using this as a political opportunity and wants you to go to http://whitehouse.gov just so that they can get your e-mail address to solicit political contributions for his next campaign. I wonder what Rush (who encouraged listeners NOT to send money) thinks about the Clinton-Bush cooperation to bring relief to Haiti.
I also doubt that many Christians see this earthquake as a judgment on Haiti for a contract with the devil that was made a century ago.

I choose to believe that the vast majority of Americans--conservatives and liberals, Christians and non-Christians, rich and poor--mourn along with the people of Haiti. The loss of life has been great (and many are still missing). The loss of property has been great. The infrastructure (that was poor to begin with) is now practically non-existent. They need help in every area of life--from the immediate rescue, recovery and survival to the long term rebuilding of their country. Millions of dollars have already been donated. Military people and civilians have already arrived in Haiti to offer aid to the reeling citizens of the poor island country.

Our own country is suffering with its own economic disaster--and yet people are donating millions of dollars. Why? Because it's what we do. We help people all around the world. It doesn't matter what the politics of the country is. It doesn't matter what religious beliefs the people have. It doesn't even matter that we are struggling with finances in our own country. Today--when people need help facing the latest natural disaster--Americans will rush to their aid. Tomorrow we may have to endure the hatred and criticism of the world's nations. Tomorrow we may face our own disasters by ourselves.

But today, the presence and prosperity of America will be highly valued by those that are in need.

Today I'll just sign off as--

One Proud American <><

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Compassion

A year or so back I was having breakfast with a couple of other evangelists. One of them wanted to know what passage from the Bible we thought best showed the character of Jesus. The Scripture that I mentioned was one from Sunday's reading.

Here it is:

¹When he came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. ²A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." ³Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.

In this moment, Jesus gives the man much more than just healing him. Here is a man that has probably not had physical contact with another person for quite sometime. He is "unclean." Few us go even a single day without the touch of another human being--a handshake, a pat on the shoulder, a hug, a kiss. From the moment that this man was declared "unclean" he had lived in isolation. Whenever he was among other people, he would have to declare himself as unclean so that people could move away from him. He had become a non-person. He could not work. He had no rights. He would have to count on family or friends to provide for him or he would have to beg for food. In the eyes of society, he was nothing.

Before Jesus restored his health, Jesus restored his personhood. He gave him back his self esteem. The Bible doesn't say that Jesus healed him and then touched him. The Bible says that Jesus touched (while he was still unclean) and then healed him. We could learn a lesson from Jesus. Things that seem small to us, can be really big to others--a touch, a call, a card, a smile, a word of encouragement. You and I may not be able to heal somebody of a dreaded disease, but we can lift their spirit and let them know that they are somebody; that they are important. We can touch them.

John <><

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